I started writing an online journal when I was in my mid-teens. It was an outlet that I used to write through some hard years of my life. I was candid, open and vulnerable, and only a select group of people were allowed to read it. I wrote in these types of "private" online diaries for years, until I didn't feel like I needed them anymore.
Fast-forward a few years. I'm married, and I have a baby. I'm not as sad or confused as I was when I was a teenager, but I still love writing. I transition my private blog to a public blog, because my life is so much more shareable. I'm still using it to process life, though. I write in my blog as though I'm talking to a best friend who can empathize with everything I have to say. The only problem is, I'm not writing to a best friend. I'm writing to everyone and no one. Some people empathized, I'm sure. But then I write something that a person in my life finds hurtful. Then someone uses something I write against me.
I feel hurt, and mortified. First of all, why would anyone want to attack me? I'm nice like a bunny rabbit....
I retreated. I gave up my public blog and returned to my privacy.
But I missed being able to share my life with people. So I went back and forth until I finally decided to have a public blog that steered clear of touchy topics. Then I had to deal with the aspect of putting myself out there and not getting the feedback I wanted from my readers. It felt like pulling my heart out of my chest, putting it in the middle of the street, and waiting to see if anyone would stop and notice. The whole experience was starting to feel too intense...
That's when I took a break. It's one of the best things I've done for myself as far as blogging goes. I was tired of second guessing myself, of wondering what in the world I was doing and why I was doing it. I stepped back from my blog and took a good hard look at the whole thing. Why was I blogging? What did I hope to gain from it? Was it worth the time investment? I read an e-book about blogging. I searched online for random articles about blogging. I read about how to improve my blog.
After I'd thought about it as much as I could, I came to a conclusion: I would continue. I wanted to write the story of my family, to remember the sweet and special moments of my children's lives. Life changes so quickly, I don't want to be at the end of mine and barely remember the look and feel of the different seasons. I write to remember. I write because that's what I am, a writer. If I'm not writing at my keyboard I'm writing in my head at night as I lay in bed trying to sleep. Whether I have a 100 or 1,000 readers, I want to create a space that I can be proud where I share the things I love.
My blog may not be a best friend anymore, but it is an excellent way to connect with friends. I may not be able to tell my blog every single juicy secret I hold so closely (HA.), but now that I've found what my boundaries and goals are, I'm really enjoying myself a lot more! I feel like the keys to my blogging happiness have been: making friends, creating a space I can be proud of, writing what I know from my heart, and instead of copying everyone else's path to success, finding my own strengths and using them.
And there you have it. Thanks for reading! Stop by any time to say hello.
Thank you so much Hannah for sharing your heart with us!! I have a really fun idea coming soon. Just a little hint here will be prizes involved :)
